Yesterday I was given a chance to take a look at myself and realize something I need to change. Something at work upset me a great deal and I had to think about why I was bothered. When I really looked at what happened and my reaction to it, I realized my distress was caused by my own fear and insecurity.
I've always been the 'odd man out'. It's made me rather lonely for a lot of my life. I've also had problems with people at work on a personal level. Whether or not it takes two to create a situation, I can't control what someone else does. I only have control over me.
If all of this seems rather vague, it's really just a case of me not fitting very well with the other people I work with and managing people is probably not my forte. I've learned to be better over the years, but I always am impatient with the fact that most people won't ever admit, even to themselves, that they are at fault in a situation.
Yesterday I spent time thinking about why I was so upset about the change that's happening at work and I came to the ugly conclusion that I'm jealous and fearful of what it means for me. I'm 50 and I've lived a relatively hard life, some of that my own fault. If I let this situation poison me, it will only get worse. I can't change what is going to happen but I can change how I react. Instead of reacting with fear and having that cause me to be negative and grasping, I can open myself up to react with generosity and kindness. It won't be easy, I have to fight the most tenacious enemy I know....myself.
It was uncomfortable yesterday realizing all of this, but I look at it as a gift. Even if it's one I didn't particularly want, the realization is the first step to change.
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5 comments:
T, I feel your anguish over this. While a management position is sometimes envied,it's a hard job to do.
I have found that making a decision after listening to all the explanations about why something happened or why an employee did something, and then sticking to that decision has worked for me. Until I did that, I was being manipulated by the employees. Now they know that the decision is final. Of course, it helps that I have the full support of the CEO and VP in my decision-making. And also I document, document, document.
No one is going to take the blame; no one will admit to being at fault. It's human nature. You just have to learn to see through all the BS and come to a fair and equitable decision. It won't necessarily make you the most popular person in the company, but it will earn you the respect you deserve.
It's easy to say don't fret over personality issues at work, but I know you will. I do. I had a two-year stint with someone who absolutely hated me and truly tried to sabotage my authority at every turn. But I stayed the course during that period, stayed consistent in both my attitudes and actions, and finally won the day. We work well together now, but it was truly a troubling two years for me. I came home and cried most nights, then sucked it up and went back the next day for more. Maybe things changed when she saw she wasn't upsetting me any more. The key was that she wasn't "seeing" my reaction.
Sorry this is so long. I will be thinking of you. If you ever need to talk, just holler.
(Hugs)
I can understand your position. I have been and at times still am in these same situations. I think wiyh age and maturity we just realize the person is not worth the battle and we move on. It sometimes takes every ounce of my being to be kind and polite to someone I would rather strangle but in the end I feel so much better knowing I did the right thing. Hang in there girl.
gosh, in my office it always comes down to accountablity and it's hard to find people that are accountable anymore. Sounds like you are, so even if it's hard, it will work out. Like Vicky said, we're here!
Sounds like you have a good handle on it and have gotten good advice from these wonderful ladies. Even though we can't control the actions of others, we can choose how we react to them. Take care, have heart and vent to us!
How well I understand EVERYTHING you're saying. We are all our worst enemy, especially when we feel fearful about a situation. I have always felt that I don't measure up, mainly because I have always been insecure. As long as you feel insecure, it's a strong indicator that you also don't love yourself very much. And, as long as you don't feel good about yourself, it's really hard to reach out to others with generosity and kindness. You don't forgive yourself, so it's tough to forgive others. I am telling you the story of my life!
You have come to a excellent conclusion to your "dilemma", not an "ugly" one. Now if you can remember these gems of wisdom you've discovered and implement them when you are back at work! I always find that's the hard part.
Good for you for reaching the conclusions you did - now you can move forward with this new knowledge. I think you will find that everything will work out just fine - maybe not the way you envisioned it, but good nonetheless. The best part is that you've figured out something invaluable about yourself. You go, girl!!
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